ab Chasing Kate: Ages and Ages.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Ages and Ages.

It’s been ages since I posted so I’m assuming most of my readers (even the diligent ones) have stopped checking to see if I posted. I have several excuses for not writing, none of them being good ones, so I’ll skip over them and start from about where I left off.

This Life

I went back to my Russian family this past weekend, since recently I had been feeling doubtful, anxious and irresolute in general. They have a very Russian way of grounding me and setting me straight.

I woke up after an 11-hour slumber and my sister was cleaning the kitchen floor and she told me to go stroll in the garden until she finished. As I made my way through the gardens, I picked myself breakfast off the trees starting with at the apple orchard moving on to the plum trees and ending with the raspberry bushes.

I spent the day doing farm chores, hauling grass for the cows, feeding the chickens, and clearing the gardens but none of it felt like work, it’s always somehow therapeutic. It took me a long time to explain how my family in America usually goes to the country to pick their own fruit, peach picking, apple picking and cherry picking, as a leisurely activity. That is part of their livelihood so they don’t understand why we wouldn’t want someone else to do the work for us.

I came back just in time to see their new born calf, Zabava, I expected her to be shier but she was so friendly and curious to see what I was up to. After I finished hauling the last bushel of hay to the troughs I untied her and sat down to watch her (she’s tied up during the day so she doesn’t eat the vegetables or flowers in the gardens) to give her a chance to roam around. As I was sitting in the gardens watching her with my apron on with dirty hands waiting to be called for my banya, I couldn’t help but think that this life, this story, could have just as easily been mine.

Replacement

All summer long, volunteers were in the “placement frenzy”, where the K-15s would go, which K-13s would be replaced. Typically old and new volunteers shouldn’t overlap each other at site but since the Pre-Service Training was changed from Mid-Sept to early July due to logistical reasons, it forces the PCVs to overlap each other for 3 months. And for most communities of 2,000 people, two Americans (in my opinion) is one too many.

Most K-13s I know were lobbying pretty hard for a new volunteer at their site but it seemed that Peace Corps was intent on creating new (not tried and tested) sites. I was told that I wouldn’t be getting replaced on the same day that they told me I got a replacement. I was ecstatic, I love my community, it’s a great site, I maintain that it’s the best in Krygzstan and any volunteer should be lucky to get a site like mine.

No preceding volunteer wants to be outshined so I was secretly hoping for a good, but not great volunteer. I got a male, Kyrgyz speaker. A double whammy. All men are adored here and all Krygyz speakers are adored here. I figured they’d forget who I was before I even stepped on the plane. He came on a site visit and I gave my best cheerleadery advice to psych him up for a fun-filled 2 years. He was undoubtedly smart, friendly and seemed enthusiastic about being here.

On the day after swear-in, the day he was supposed to leave for site, instead of getting in a cab, he got on a plane for home. I was so offended. Was it something I said or didn’t say? Was it something I did or didn’t do? What went so wrong in 2 weeks? None of my questions were answered so it left my villagers and I to speculate about why he would leave.

Before I could be too disappointed about not getting another volunteer at my site, PC told me that another girl would be taking over instead. Phew. So much for being outshined though, she has taken 4 years of Russian in college. It was her major. This means that for the whole first year while I was working on a multiple-clause sentence, she’s already fluent. Great. I’m not that bitter though because it will make her experience exponentially easier since communication is pretty critical.

COS (Close of Service) Conference

The day the new volunteers arrived to site, the old ones were already starting the check-out process. The COS conference is the last training where we learn about how to reenter and reintegrate into life in America. I lived there for 22 years before I came here, should be like riding a bike, right? Apparently not. They gave us resume-writing advice, how and where to look for jobs that we’re qualified for (ha. we’re not), about medical and insurance policies and how to live in a way that’s socially acceptable to other Americans.

Out of the original group of 66 volunteers, only 30 of us were left. Almost 50%. The last time we were all together as a group was January 2006. Still unsure, still uncomfortable, still unknowledgeable about what our ultimate goals were here as Peace Corps volunteers. But this time, over a year and a half later, it was a celebration of each other, of our accomplishments, of our growth. We were finally at the point where we could congratulate each other as we recollected on the past two years, the struggles, the triumphs, and even the smallest successes. To come together again as a completely different group and hear about and reflect on all the good work that was done was probably one of the most positive experiences of my life.

Gymnasium Day

The school used the national holiday Gymnasium Day, as a way to welcome the new volunteer and a way to say goodbye to me. All of my previous students and teachers gathered into one small room to reflect on the importance of education and to demonstrate the efforts of their hard work. They performed skits, danced, sang and read speeches. They talked about what I had meant to them as a volunteer and the things I had achieved during my time here. The school presented me with their national souvenirs, a felt hat, vest, purse and a wooden and leather chess set. I must have been in several hundred pictures I’m pretty sure I have the same giddy smile in all of them. I gave a speech in Russian thanking everyone who helped me along the way and for being so patient with an American who came here knowing none of the language and very little about the culture. With a microphone in hand, addressing a few hundred people, I noticed this speech was different from other ones namely because I had a steady hand and a steady voice. I don’t think I can remember one word of what I said but hopefully I conveyed how much my students and faculty have meant to me, and how much I appreciate them opening me into their lives and hearts.

Afterwards, several teachers went to a café to celebrate and as I was sitting at the table, listening to all the stories, it occurred to me that I was finally one of them; something I have been working on for 2 years to achieve. We told stories, toasted each other and laughed and I promised them I would tell anyone willing to listen all about Kyrgyzstan and my experiences here.

Unemployment and Homelessness

Now that the new volunteer is in the village, I decided to give her space so she can establish herself in the community with as little interference from me as possible. I’m more than happy to answer any questions or give advice but in my experience every volunteer’s service is completely unique, even if it’s in the same village. For now I’m going guesting to all of the families that I’ve been close with, working on packing up and giving away 90% of my belongings and getting sorted with everything else. Nothing is more surreal than seeing 2 years of things be divided, sorted, packed and tossed. The purge has been something I’ve been looking forward to. I figure if I’m going to be homeless for the next couple months, it’s better to own as little as possible.

People ask me all the time to stay here and if I’m ready to leave. My answer is yes and no. It’ll be hard to leave a life behind that I’ve gotten so used to. It’s difficult knowing that it’s a possibility I may never return or see the people I’ve gotten so close to. I tell them that here I have a home and a job but in America I have neither. But I also tell them I am ready for something new. I’m ready to get reacquainted with my friends and the life that I left. People ask me about my next step, my future plans and I’m finally content to tell them that I have no clue and am in no rush to decide.

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